test

test 1

How to tell if your guy is oblivious

This won't take long. Please take out your favorite marking device--a crayon will suffice.
This is a simple test which you can perform with or without the alleged him.
Ok. Close your eyes. Not yet, otherwise reading will take a tad longer. Close them after you read the question then think of the answer and then open them. Got it? Ok.

1. Fred (fill in your guy's name) is:
a) oblivious

If you answered a) oblivious, then he is oblivious.

Congratulations, he is normal. Go back to whatever it was that this interrupted. If you did not answer a) oblivious, or if you haven't opened your eyes yet, go back to question #1.

Three theories of guy behavior

Ever wonder why your guy does what he does? Better yet: doesn’t do what he doesn’t do. I speak of the dynamics of relationships which may, or may not, include: affection, attentiveness, memory (that Shirley called) and consideration (like picking up his socks). Why does he exhibit such behaviors? Because he can’t help it. Yep. It is actually beyond his control because it starts down deep in the DNA.

There are three theories that pass the reasonability test:
The first theory of guy behavior, simply known as S3 says that men are shallow, stupid and selfish. The other two theories are precisely the same.

Gals, many of you may be slowly nodding your heads as this new awareness sinks in. You might be thinking: Yes, at last, something that explains it all. A sudden but brief tingling may overtake your body as you are elated by this new consciousness. Yes.

Others may be thinking that this does not apply to you. Ok, think of the last time your guy offered you a piece of his lobster. You hinted by offering him a taste of your tilapia salad, which he passed on with a shake of his head because he is busy cracking open the last (and best) lobster claw. You looked longingly at the four pound crustacean lying on his plate as he devoured the final succulent piece. You considered swiping the small piece that remained on his cheek—alas, you reconsidered. No lobster tonight.

If this is not familiar to you and you think your guy does not fit any of the theories, I respectfully say that you are wrong. Take this little test:
My guy is:
a) selfish

If you answered a), you are correct.

Guys, you may object to any of the above but it will just prolong getting to the end of this blog.

Of course, guys are not that way all the time—but sometimes—mostly when it comes to the relationship. At work, he’s right on the ball; he is extremely attentive when playing golf; and remembers who won Super Bowl XIV, but not the milk on the way home.

Because it is ingrained, guys are always slipping up and find the only way to make up for their limitations is to earn points from their significant other. Yes, points: the key to many happy marriages. Yes, he earns points by doing things for her—in turn, he spends those points on things for him. Points are the currency of marriage. Alas, I digress.

Remember: guys would rather be selfish than do all the things required for them not to be.

Do it differently this year

Make this one of your happiest marriages yet.

Guys: Resolve to make it better this year—for you by getting points by doing things for her. Yes, you earn points simply by doing things for her and you get to spend them on things you want like a night out with the guys or a trip to Vegas. It’s the perfect time to start out—your account is clean and she will have forgotten most of your blunders. Try this approach:

List any ten things that you think she would like you to do—pick three and do them.
Some easy things you can do to score some considerate points to make her happy which would make you happy.

• Be helpful around the house:
  Pick up your socks and underwear—don’t brag when you do it, she will figure it out.
  Empty the dishwasher without her asking. Make sure the dishes are washed first.
  Go with her to the supermarket. Push the cart—not too fast and don’t change the route.
• Compliment her:
  Tell her she looks pretty. Do not say anything specific about her face—you do not understand the face.
  Compliment her shoes—make sure that she is wearing shoes and not just pumicing her bunions.
• Try hard not to be selfish.
  Offer her your last lobster claw. If she takes it, order lobster for dessert.
• Plan to be spontaneous.
  Buy her flowers when you go to the supermarket for the 1% milk. Don’t forget the milk.

Get Points, be happy.

Men wouldn't be so selfish if they were women

All I said was: "Great falafel leftovers, hon."
She kissed my forehead.
Then I took out the garbage without being asked to which she commented: "You took out the garbage without being asked?"
"No biggie." I shrugged nonchalantly as if it really were no biggie.
She handed me the remote and brought me a beer.
It will be a good evening.

The tilapia scam

She said: "Would you like a piece of my tilapia?"
I knew she really meant: 'gee, I sure would like some of your lobster. . .maybe the claw, I love claws, or maybe the row . . .'
"No thanks," I replied, stuffing lobster into my mouth and following with: "Thad wassa bleu nah nah," and smiled, then nodded knowingly, then smiled again and muttered: "thanks, really--allergic."

Yes, I did not get any points that night (especially when I ignored her request for a tiny taste of my blueberry pie a la mode to go with her spinach crumpet.)
It was a long night.
It was worth it.

Women are the House- men are just men

Yes, just like in a casino—women are the House. As such, they make the rules. There are several theories why women have ultimate control; we will explore these later. Being the House obviously means that women actually control the entire universe. Well, I don’t mean the entire universe: just most of it.

Women, of course, do not require much to keep the universe harmonious: a little respect, some attention, some spontaneity, a little affection, a modicum of romance, a small surprise gift, a sign of understanding, picking up of the socks (underwear, et al), remembering stuff, putting things away, leaving things like she left them (or better), the absence of snoring (belching, farting, et al), opening the car door, walking street side, affection, doing things without her asking, doing things that she asked you to do three times, spontaneity (again), and other stuff that shows signs of caring, concern and sincerity (more later).

Men, however, are men..I shall explain the theory of men in my next blog--Men wouldn't be so selfish if they were women">

Points are easier than a lobotomy

POINTS are the currency of your relationship—like money, except better. Appropriately spent, they can yield many hidden benefits one could never attain otherwise. Really.

Marvin's case comes to mind. He was just like every other guy; well, maybe not exactly like every other guy as he was probably shorter and slightly balding and wrote lefty and brushed his teeth in the shower. Marvin had both tsuris and agita—a rare and confusing combination as he could not tell which was which. But I digress. Points changed Marvin’s life—he knows now that this marriage, and all of his future marriages, will be successful and fun thanks to the simple use of points. We will share Marvin’s story in the forthcoming blogs. (it is well known that a 'Marvin' tease is irresistible to most bloggers).">